musicfreak1959

10:52 pm: unusual wekend
it has been a very bad and yet good weekend the bad part was that i nearly lost one of the most important things in my life the band two because of that i also suffered a nervous breakdown and if it wasnt for that girl that ive been talking about which by the way i dont think im going to get to date her but oh well anyways if it wasnt for her i honestly dont know where id be right now i mean i could literally feel myself getting closer and closer to the breaking point had she not come on aol last night i would have snaped within ten min to twenty min by that point let me tell you that is the scaryiest feeling youll ever feel in your life feeling yourself star to snap im amazed i didnt but during that time i came to many realizations in that time that will change me forever i realized my walk with god is only me saying that i do yes i did at one point but i didnt after a while i also let things such as the band and the girl and myself ahead of my relationship with god so those thing are bacicly idols that i need to get myself away from not literally but not make them my priorities and my insane love of music has also caused this but now that that is clear to me i can work on those things and make them better i tell you what those kind of breakdowns are scary but sometimes important if you sit their and think about what went through your mind during that time and if you have someone to help bring you out of it take that chance and let them help you i really dont have anything more to say so night

11:42 pm: well its been a fairly good week over all its really been a slow one though this week i have nothing on my schedule for once in a very very long time im slightly bummed this week because i got my tax refund this week wich was really good so i decided to get myself a new guitar this one will make 4 in all ive got somthing like 1200 bucks in guitars now so add another 500 to it im a player and an avid collector this one was just so kool looking i just couldnt pass it up the bad part is when i went to order it i found out they wont have it iin stock til the 23 of this month i thought all right ill wait till monday to order it well i went back to check it again and the color i was going to get it in is not avaliable nor is the backup color the only one left is black and black is a nice color but ive got two in black allready and this one just looks kinda bla in black so i guess ill have dale costomize it for me ok that dosnt sound to bad to anybody but im anal about things like that the hole point of buying this one is the fact that i want something totally diffrent that what i got ive got dark colors and very conservitive bodys well this one is insane looking and blood red it looks absolutly kick ass and souds just as good so im like hart broken but oh well im still buying it now for the good news

my friend jeremy who is also co founder in our bannd gets online yesterday and tell me that i was brought up in a conversation between him and our other guitarist (who is a girl by the way)that she was asking about why i dont go to regular school and he told her why and she said that she wishes i go to lee ok now here is the thing between me and her over the past few weeks ive noticed things about her behavier as in i think she likes me which is awsome because ive liked her since the bonfire before the fire ban at our drummers house (our drummer is a girl too by the way) well the only problem with the fact i like her is she has a boyfriend im bummed about that but latly she has been acting diffrent ok basicly she and i are very similer in out thinking so she acts like i do when im around someone i like which is goofy and weird granted she is that anyways but i think its cute sorry anyways ive noticed that its more goofy and weird than normal so i started thinking that she might like me might well i asked jeremy why does that make you think that she really does like me and he said that its not what she said its how she said it as in when he told her why i dont go to school she put her head down and said kinda sadly that she wishes id go to lee so i genuinely think that she likes me as much as i like her so im now going to flirt with her hardcore im not going to do anything about this other than that till she breakes up with him and if she likes me as much as he and i think she does it wont be too much longer untill that relationship goes bye bye now it also could mean that she just really likes me as a friend but i honestly dont think that because the vibe im getting off her is not leaning to us being friends but like i said all im gonna do is flirt till that relationship goes south at which point ill make a move in the direction of me dating her but i refuse to ask out a girl thats taken so im just going to wait untill it ends or someone better comes along but anyone who knows me that the latter isnt going to happen so waiting is all ive got and the other good news is that i got 20 bucks in tips yesterday also in an hour and a half

01:20 am: oh and also i dont know why but seeing her just makes me smile and it bummes me out cause i get to see her maybe once a week i can look over at her at practice and her little goofy ways just make me smile she asked me one day what i was smiling at and i just said you and she said why so i said just watching you be your usual goofy self so i think she may know i like her cause i dont hide it very well but still and before the girls that read this start thinking i just stare at her all the time i look in her direction every once in a while

01:01 am: ok so i come home tonight and read all my firends journals and it seems like everyone is bummed out me im very happy today one of my friends got to meet his birth mom that has yet to be proven a good thing or bad thing i found out im not totally insane that the girl i like may very well like me back wich is very good because i dont really have a lot of luck with girls other than being friends with them i got the feeling that she liked me like a month ago so its been driving me crazy ever since i got that feeling and i had a friend sit in on practice the other day and he confirmed my suspicions on this he saw it too so it kinda put my mind at ease though i really cant do anything about it untill she breaks up with this guy so ill just wait patiently untill then or someone better comes along and i doubt that ya it sounds crazy but i dont have anything else better to do so i dont know but i just genuinely like her no real reason i just do my geuss is she is ex goth and i kinda like goth girls cause i have alot more in common whith them musiclly and just personality wise i would type her name but like four people on here know who she is so those of you who know me and want to know who it is ask and ill tell you

11:29 pm: ok so ive spent the entire weekend sick as a dog with either bronc or somthing like it it sucks but now im geting over it thank god my comp also had something wrong with it a virus so i had to reformat my hard drive and that was fun lots of sarcasm in that sentence three hours on that thing reformatting but its all fixed finally around nineish tinught so i get to spend the next few days trying to get my favorites list back which will take forever because their was some 145 sites on it im bummed about that but oh well i figured out something really kool this weekend while i was sick i can now play metal ive been trying to figure out ho to since ive started playing guitar five years ago im really happy about that so ive been playing that stuff non stop for three days band practices have been not going quite like i want them to go lately i wish i could put my finger on it but i cant my guess is since its a christian band and all and the fact i havent been acting like a real christian latly that that might have somthing to do with it but i just dont know but i do know i really need to start acting like a christian again if anything just for lifestyle reasons im always happiest when act like an adult insted of a teen and i really should start growing up since this is my last semester of school ever so i should really strive to be the person god wants me to be and honestly thats hard to do but im sure gonna try i also should start painting again i miss it alot

10:31 pm: well it was a pretty good day till my ex started causing trouble im trying to get to know one of her friends not trying to date her onr anything just trying to become friends and she dosnt like that aparenty for some odd reason and i cant get her to listen to me on that and so its really pissing me off its not like i can do anything about it i just have to block her aim and crap like that till she grows up and listens to me she makes me so mad right now and it drives me crazy i caint even turn to my favorite thing to do listen to music that normally calmes me down but aparently not tonight she from time to time gets under my skin like that i mean she dosnt even live here any more why she does that to me i dont know but it makes moving on easier a lot easier ok im now going to attempt to relax

11:37 pm: god too much stuff is going on band practice work school well kinda on school the fact that im sick my trip to mississippi to help disaster relief its awesome and crazy all at the same time with the exception of the being sick part thats pure hell the band finally got the song that we've been working on down finally so its awesome and we are now working on one i had wrote a year ago they actually liked it im really happy about that i dont really have a hole lot more to say mostly im so tired im about to fall asleep at the keyboard

09:41 pm: wow this past couple of weeks have been crazy i went down to missippi to do some disaster relief work with my church and you wouldnt believe the amount of black mold their oh my god it was nasty hard work but it was really really fun im glad i went and did that if you ever get a chance to do work like that do it ots worth the blood and sweat you put into it. my christmas has gone well i got this really nice crate amp that i love and a stool to sit on while i play that says crate on the seat its awsome no a hole lot this year in the way of presants but the ones i got were really nice and things i needed so im really happy about that i got to go to work tomorrow and im not loving that too much though i got the best boss in the world well not a hole lot more to tell so im going to play with my amp and all the effects tat it has on it and i dont have to turn it up much at all its loud at 1 see ya

01:06 am: well the last few days have been exciting the band has been looking for a trap set for ana our drummer and we thought we found one at Caldwell's for about 200 bucks it turnes out that was for only one drum its an understatement to say we were bummed to find that out you see we are all poor except our bassist he is the only one with the money to really get anything well anyways monday he found a trap set for 475 and its a pearl and anybody that knows music at all knows that is one if not the best brand for drum sets this set is worth 1200 and we are getting it for 475 roughly its awsome and it also comes with 800 buck symbols so in all this set is worth 2000 and still 475 and all the hardware too anyways we are all really excited about that well i better get off and go to bed its 1:30 am so i better crash

09:51 pm: ok so latly has been pure hell ive had a pretty good lack of sleep and im definently feeling the effects of it insomnia sucks ive been doing a lot of practice so that ill be ready to show the songs to the band and teach kirsten and let ana and jeremy make up their own stuff to go with it and so my fingures are numb yesterday i spent 3 and a half hours playing ive also finished my latest painting so im pretty happy about that not a hole lot else has happned latly other than the fact that i found out that a friend got a nother friend pregnent ya big fun anyways i got to go practice some more bye

10:38 pm: well the past few days have been really good im enjoying the fact that this is my last year in high school i love it nothing really eventfull happned but pretty nice i got a bunch of friends worring about what they are going to do with their lives and me i just dont care what happens happens their is nothing you can do about it so just stop worring about it thats what i told myself anyways and you know what it worked i just dont worry about it yes i got a plan but its vague enough to let the "little inconveiniances" not affect me too much so i honestly dont worry any more ya this entry was pointless but i hope anyone who reads this will try what i told myself and see if it workes for them see ya

12:58 am: today has been a pretty good day over all i went to work till like 1:50 and then i went to the courthouse and got my ticket dismissed i was really happy about that i now have a clean driving record and in celebration of that i got to take the day off from school and then my dad got home and we had to go play plumer because the damn sink got clogged with shit again so dad and i had to go haul a 100lb rooter to the roof of the house to fix the problem and aparently it worked when we were bringing it down some of that shit not literaly shit it more or less gunk anyways it dripped on my dad and not just anyware it dripped on his lip he was spitting for at least ten min it was really funny and that was about it you all have a good night

09:37 pm: first one
well all my friends finally talked me into getting one of these things its kinda kool